It’s been exactly two weeks of recovery time since I hurt my back at work. And boy, did that injury ever send me for a loop!
Sometimes that happens. The Universe lets us make all the plans we want but ultimately it comes down to what is happening in the present moment, not the future. It’s not the past either. It’s simply the present moment we have to attune to and make choices from.
So what have I been doing for two weeks?
I’ve been slowly working my way through this books which reads like a meditation textbook:
I was shocked for a few days after the injury happened. There was no pre-cursor, just suddenly extreme pain as my back seized. I’m young, do yoga, mediate, eat healthy, don’t indulge in drinking or drugs, so as I lay in bed the next couple of days my mind was racing with what this meant.
For me, clarity came over time both physically and in other ways. I cried a lot and let myself cry a lot because I knew that would emotionally cleanse me of the shock of this injury. I was jarred in a deeper state of awareness of who and where I want to go, and also of how I operate and what I value. I felt myself go into a mini-crisis state and called a friend for two hours sobbing because everything was suddenly so vastly unknown including the state of my physical health.
I also did some painting I had been wanting to do for a while:
This was all really good! It may not seem like it, but it reminded me of the value of my body, and what I want to create. It’s taught me a lot about my body and its given me an opportunity to rest and rejuvenate after not really having that time since I arrived in Victoria in November.
And I’m really excited about the small steps forward I’ve made on other personal goals. I could have sat back and moped but after about three or four days I was like “You know what? I might not be able to move very well but I can still do other things I like to do! While my body heals, I will move forward in those ways.”
Looking at it like that I think has helped make this process easier.
I also figured out how to get prints of my artwork done!
When I was first injured I wanted to be able to do things, to make things happen. I would get mad at myself and shame or guilt trip myself mentally, saying I should’ve done this or that. But I had to let that go and go at the pace my body allows me to go at.
When I was first injured I could barely move from my bed. Going for a 15 minute walk was a big ordeal. I had to accept where I was at and work from there. I let go of goals and let myself do what I feel like doing as my body heals (which coincidently is spend a lot of time in bed). Now I can’t sit for very long but I can take a decent walk on flat ground. And my reflexes are coming back. My recovery is going well and I feel good about the last two weeks (even though there’s a little voice that keeps trying to make me feel bad for watching (a lot) of TV).
I also investigated a possible career change so I don’t hurt my body any more. I’m kind of scared that returning to work will cause further injury.
I’m still not full healed and I still have to take more time to heal and be able to function like I used to but I also have full confidence that I will be able to function even better than I used to with the new knowledge and experiences I’ve gained. And I feel like I am in better control of my mind and what processes I next want to explore in my life.
I also can’t wait to be able to sit down for a while like normal people! And do normal people things without encountering strange and sometimes painful symptoms! 😀
P.S.
I am a little sad that my gym membership isn’t getting used, but there’s always next month. 😉
P.P.S.
I also watched the entire Legend of Korra series. It was awesome. And I love that series.
