Oh my goodness.
I am exhausted.
Victoria has been one huge heyday of emotions and shifts and beets and well… Life!
I’ve not been painting because I have no studio space right now, and haven’t been writing because I have no space to write. I can go to a cafe for sure, and I’m consistently broke right now, so cafes are being minimized as much as possible. I tend to spend a lot of my breaks at work at cafes because we don’t have a lunch room or a bath room or running water. Yay, joys of working retail!
Anyways, because of this lack of accessibility for my normal activities I have done things like: glitter tip crow feathers and make them into wall hangings, make twig candle holders, and even make a plaid pirate hat for a friends birthday. I also did my nails with an intricate design and brainstormed two books to write! Haha!
This is my first day off in 8 days as well. Working two retail jobs will be intense and I want to save some money up for the future: aka gemmology courses. And get an kindle or kindle like device.
So Purkh Update
I have been continuing my meditations with So Purkh. I am at Day 61 complete as of this writing. The meditations for me have recently shifted. I was all gung-ho until about day 20. Then I experienced a lot of resistance until about day 56. Now the meditation feels soft and easy.
Throughout this time I have come to realize I am scared of meeting my ex because I’m scared I will be manipulated again. I thought for sure I would’ve run into him by now and I haven’t. When I think about running into him though now, I’m not nearly as scared. There’s a sense of calmness, a sense of knowing that I will be okay.
I actually de-friended two men on my Facebook account, and there are a few more I want to unfriend if I can find them. This is a first for me. I removed them from my account because they were representations of deeply wounded men that were blaming women for their challenges. I want to be surrounded by men and women who are working towards a better, compassionate society. I’ve always kept men I feel uncomfortable around on my friends list because I fear they will lash out at me for removing them and I will feel defenseless. Now, I feel okay with it. In fact, I feel empowered as I remove them.
When I travelled to Nelson I spent three solid days with my dad. I noticed that we have learned how to interact with each other differently now, and in our relationship I notice I feel fully expressed. Which is amazing.
While in Nelson a friend of mine did a card reading for me. I just wanted a general card reading about life to happen so that is what I focused on. Lo, and behold, in the whats coming section it was all about love. I rolled my eyes. My guides are the best and playful. The one time I don’t ask about love the answer is True Love is on its way!
In other news, I have been reviewing my previous romantic relationships and planning my future one. Not sure if I should be but I’m identifying what is really important to me and the boundaries I will need to set for myself out of self love. When I meet a man right now I feel like an empty slate witness. There’s no attachments and no expectations just a witnessing.
I feel really steady internally. Almost solid. It’s an awesome feeling. There are some people I feel triggered by in my life and some days I feel outright rage towards them. I do my best to not let the rage get the best of me and to just sit with it as it passes through me. Most of the time the rage seems to be triggered, aka something from the past.
I feel I have a strong fear of standing up for myself and I feel that So Purkh is slowly shifting that. It’s showing me I can be empowered and its okay. It’s also teaching me that I don’t need to explain myself. People don’t need to know everything about me, and it’s okay to be me without explanation. That is something that has come into my mind like a whisper in different situations over the past month that I’ve found extremely helpful.
So Purkh is changing things for me. That’s for sure.
I’m going to be posting less because I’m going to be working more. I’m working on finding some guest posts. I love you lots, and have so much gratitude for you! <3
