Today I took myself out on a date.
I’ve been craving to go out for a little while. I went out last weekend with a friend and her friends – all of whom are fantastic people. Interesting, intriguing. We went to the newest club in town and it was great! The atmosphere and crowd was awesome. However I left after a couple of hours as it became even more obvious to me that I am done with the whole party scene.
I love to dance. I love to have an occasional glass of wine for the flavour. I love to engage with people in deep meaningful conversations. And I’m really not into the getting drunk or taking drugs scene at all.
And I’m okay with that.
It seems that my time so far in Nelson has been extremely internal. I find myself being picky with whom I hang out with – I’m picky about everything from food to the textures I wear to the smell in my house and so on (joys of being a sensitive being! All these things effect you!). So of course, I’d be picky about with whom I spend my time.
Therefore I have not found a lover here. I’ve had intense dreams about my husband to be instead. And I’ve been led to find an ever-growing contentment I used to not have with being a single woman. It seems like many illusions have been falling away.
However, there are so many more illusions that have been gaining strength during my time here. I’ve almost entirely stopped doing yoga or meditation. I tried hard to keep up my practice because I know how it makes everything in my life so much better. Yet somehow it always seemed to stress me out or overwhelm me and that was the first thing to go when I needed to make it the first thing to do.
I also notice that my mind has become quite negative and I don’t like it. I want to be a positive happy person and I really feel the need to shift everything about my mental state and allow myself to just be happy. My life is good and its only going to get better.
So I took myself out on a date today.
And I finished reading another book from my book-a-launche (all of a sudden receiving a bunch of books at once from different sources I’ve wanted to read). Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein.
At first I was reading it and I was not impressed. I am impressed by her YouTube videos and all of her wisdom and knowledge. Then a third of the way through her book I was hooked. I realized this book was reminding me of some essential truths I knew when I was younger and I had forgotten in the course of life.
In my evolution process in a world that has deeply challenged my gentle soul (like so many others) I have forgotten who I am and that love is immediately here (like so many others) and my own internal guidance will guide me to a world better than I could ever imagine (like so many others).
Her book reminded me of the things I used to do to get out of all the pain I was in and now that I am somewhat comfortable I have forgotten or stopped doing those things. And by not doing them the ego has begun to take control again of my life and direct my reality. It’s not what I want.
I want to release it all and live up truly to my greatness – whatever that may be. I want to become One with my Spirit & thereby connected to all. I want to feel that all encompassing love I can feel as I write this and at certain times during meditation and acts of creation.
I want to fall in love with the depths of creation that hold me in such deep love free will is a must.
So on Monday I begin a new commitment to myself and my Soul. A new personal practice to help me align with a new community of people.
I’ve come to realize that having a community of people to help keep me inspired and reminded of the greatness there is within each of our souls is imperative to keep me committed to my own growth.
May you find your community and love. <3
